Dear Large Pharmaceutical Manufacturer,

As it seems allergy, restless leg, and male enhancing drugs have run their course, I was wondering if you could possibly create a new drug for me? I am current suffering from "Attracking Annoying Children in Public Places" otherwise known as AACIPP.

I have suffered from this disease for nearly 11 years and it seems it is only getting worse. My symptoms are nearly the same each time. I am in a public place like a park or pool, when a unsupervised child invades my space. They often want to eat my food, play with my toys, or talk. Of course, I am a friendly person who enjoys conversation but often the child or children I am describing don't want to have a conversation but rather just talk. These children often don't recognize the signs of go away when I walk away, or when I tell them "no, not today" or just kind of ignore them. These children just talk and get closer and closer to me often making me uncomfortable.

These children often have parents somewhat nearby but are not watching their children and the never make eye contact with me. It seems if they did they would have to acknolwedge their child's arms are wrapped around my leg while drinking my last juice box and say, "Oh, Bobby, come on over here."

Today, I attracted four from one family. I had taken the boys to Old Settler's Park for games, kites, and picnic.  Somehow, admist the 570 acres of park, this familly decides to pick the table five feet from us.  Within moments, the 3rd child is trying to pull down Hagen's kite as it is flying. Hagen shoots me a look of "please address this before my behavior becomes inappropriate." I asked him to stop and he ran off. But then he returned, soon talking and I wasn't really sure what he was saying and I just nodded. He soon was digging through the toy bag and taking our toys. Each time he would be caught and forced to return them by his 1/2 paying attention father.  Then only inches away from me and the boys the boy pulled down his pants at pee'd on the tree next to us. Really?  After the two boys broke our frisbee the father suggested they move to another spot.

So as you can see, I need a drug...it can come in any form...spray, creme, pill. I don't care.

Sincerely,

A Desparate Woman